If the first couple weeks of the year are anything to go by, this is going to be the year of Surreality, there always seems to be something going on, new and exciting, or bizarre and thought-provoking, or bittersweet and heartwarming. This time last week I had just come home from an amazing adventure of absinthe, Disney movies, and cuddling in a giant pile of stuffed animals (along with other new experiences like trying really good sushi for the first time, and wearing high heels to a posh “grown-up” club in LA). This past weekend was rather peaceful and restoritive, I spend a lot of time reading in the backyard and went on an amazing sunset hike with friends. Sunday was also an experiment in documenting my life a little more and practicing not freezing up in front of cameras:
But as amazing as this year is turning out to be so far, I’m feeling like I haven’t created anything special, despite my many project in progress, and I’ve certainly failed to blog about anything meaningful in a while. I keep typing up partial drafts of posts and then abandoning them as I run off and do something else interesting, and really, I don’t feel like beating myself up over the fact that I’m too busy living life to document it properly, though I’m sure a happy compromise can be reached.
It’s not exactly easy working for yourself in a completely unstructured environment. I love being my own boss and leaving plenty of space in my life for spontaneity, but when my self-created job isn’t producing any income, it’s pretty obvious that some sort of change or improvement must be made.
Last night I was suddenly struck by the feeling that things had gotten “real”. I got an email this weekend that the fire fans I ordered have been shipped and are on their way to me, and this lead to the realization that most of my artistic daydreams are on the verge of becoming reality, but that I was going to have to start really working my butt off to make that happen. I keep saying that I’ve got loads of inspiration that I can’t wait to make reality, but I’m seriously starting to feel like I sound like Roger:
So I need to stop talking about all this BIG STUFF going on, and actually make more of it happen, because nobody likes a bizarre little supernatural creature who’s all talk and no action 😉 What good are design ideas if I never make them or even finish prototyping them? And what good is getting new fire fans if I’m being lazy about my stretching and flow practice right now? I feel like I had some good habits established last year, but holiday chaos led to me abandoning them. But I pride myself on my stoic sense of discipline, so I just need to put my (metaphorical) money where my mouth is, I’ve done it before under more stressful circumstances, how hard can it be to create my dream life in a relaxed and supportive environment? (Answer: comfortable complacency is a bitch!)
My to-do list currently looks something like this:
- Change out of pajamas so I can take myself a little more seriously
- Clean craft space and organize projects in progress so I can clearly see what I have going on
- Get back into regular habit of stretching and practicing dance and flow skills again
I’ve been thinking about my goals in such abstract form, just letting myself create as the whim struck me, but it was the reality of my fire fans arriving soon that brought into focus the necessity for some discipline, for some actual participation in my own process. I can half-heartedly swing some poi and do some stretching every now and then, but that won’t do anything to prepare me for lighting a new flow prop on fire. And how will I afford fuel and more yarn for other projects if I procrastinate on finishing what I start and just keep planning to sell my creations without any actual success?
So I’m devoting the rest of today to doing some organizing, cleaning my craft space, mapping out projects and goals with their component steps to make some kind of map for my creative journey, because even if you’re a fan of going off the beaten path, maps are still really helpful. With a map, I can still seize spontaneous opportunities for adventure and creativity, but not totally lose my bearings with everything else I want/need to get done. And then I really with have BIG STUFF worth sharing with the world 😉
Inspiring video of the week: