What . . . was . . . I . . . waiting . . . for . . . ?

No good reason comes to mind.  

Every suggestion my mind comes up with is an empty, hollow excuse.

So what’s holding me back?  Am I overwhelmed with where to begin, so I simply defer ever starting at all?

My life is a like the blank pages of a book . . .

I start writing.  I write down all the dreams I know I am procrastinating.  I write down steps I need to take to manifest these dreams.  I write down new ideas as they come to me.  I write and outline and oragnize my thoughts, shaping them into a plan, a roadmap.

And I edit it.  And add to it.  And reorganize it.  And somewhere along the way I finally start admiting to myself that writing and planning were all find and well, but I am still not doing anything.  I am still not actually engaging with my life.

I feel overwhelmed and directionless again.  I check my personal almanac for advice and it suggests the Chotay Pad mantra.  Being unfamiliar with it, I look it up.

Sat Narayan Wahe Guru Hari Narayan Sat Nam
This mantra is chanted to create inner peace so one can project outer peace, happiness and good fortune.  Narayan is the aspect of Infinity that relates to the water element.  This mantra helps you “go with the flow” and takes you beyond the world to experience of Infinity.
– source Spirit Voyage

A mantra to help me “go with the flow”?  And to project outer peace, happiness, and good fortune?  That sounds an awful lot like Sparkling and Thriving!

As I listen to the mantra, and begin to chant along, I realize I have been neglecting one of the lessons my fire mentor has emphasized over and over: when you’re thinking too much, you aren’t in the present moment, you aren’t really feeling the flow happening in the moment.  I have been so mired in the idea that I have been merely coasting through life letting my dreams collect dust, that I forgot the only difference between “coasting” and “flowing” is being engaged in the present moment.

I take a deep breath.  I look at all that I have written.  Then I set a timer and do drills for muscle memory with my fans.  Then I sit down and look at my written plans again.  I add a few things.  Then I cast on a new design for a hat that I have in mind.  Later, I will spend some more time writing and letting the inspiration flow.  It’s a start.

My life is blank pages of a book . . .

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