Love, the beauty of it, the joy of it, and yes, even the pain of it, is the most incredible gift to give and to receive as a human being, and we deserve to experience love fully, equally, without shame, and without compromise.” – Ellen Page
Today’s word was Confident, but what today felt like was a crisis of confidence. I sat down to write about my ideas of love, and relationships, and the journey I am on discovering myself in a whole new light . . . And I choked. I started thinking about the response such a post would get, what people would say, what specific people would say, and I completely choked while writing. Then I found a video clip of Ellen Page’s coming out speech, and it loosened the grip I felt in my chest. Because even though I’m not gay, I knew the words came from the same place of longing that I was feeling too; longing for acceptance, to freely be my truest self, to be understood even though I know there will be many who simply don’t get it.
Because even though I’m not gay, I am coming out. I am polyamorous.
I am polyamorous because love is the greatest gift we can share, and I believe love is infinite. To me, it makes no sense to claim ownership of a person via a relationship and to tell the world they are not allowed to love this person the same way you do because you got there first. I believe that love cannot be cheapened, only strengthened, the more that it’s shared.
And it’s not that I have anything against monogamy, I have seen first hand couples with strong, thriving relationships that are also life-long partnerships. But it’s not for me. I’ve tried it, and I’ve had some incredible relationships. But it’s not for me.
I want to love without compromise; I want each relationship in my life, romantic, platonic, tribal, to be mutually defined by it’s participants, instead of following a prescribed rule-set of “can”s and “cannot”s. I want to strive to make peace with emotions like jealousy and insecurity, and in their place I want to create room for more love and acceptance.
I know a lot of people in my life won’t really get it, nor might they think they need to really “get it” because it isn’t their business. But it’s a part of my identity I have too long questioned and felt unsure about, and it’s a part of my identity I’m ready to seize. Because guess what? I love you.